Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s died.’

Paddy replied, ‘Well then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already spent it.’

Paddy said, ‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle a dead donkey!’

Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘ What happened with that dead donkey?’

Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898′
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.’

Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.

Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.

There is no darkness in Andheri.

Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.

No king ever stayed at Kings Circle ..

Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus..

Photo by Joe Ravi under CC-BY-SA 3.0 license

Nor is there any princess at Princess Street ..

Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel

There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.

The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.

There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.

Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.

Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar* Tram Terminus (Dadar T..T..).

Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.

Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.

You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.

There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.

There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.

Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.

Null bazaar does not sell taps.

You will not find ladyfingers at Bhendi Bazaar.

Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.

Hanging Gardens are not suspended.

Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.

Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.

Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,

Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.

But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!

Text:

“So all the evidence massively supports a theory of evolution that knits together everything we know about biology.

However, as high school science students in the State of Louisiana, you are entitled to learn an alternative theory supported by no scientific evidence whatsoever!

It goes like this. 5,700 years ago, a male deity created the heavens and earth and all life on it in six days…

Unfortunately, he didn’t like his own handwork, so god created genocide and drowned everyoen on earth except the family of Noah, a 600-year-old man who was charged with saving animals…”

A student interrupts Mr. Stiller, asking him to stop. Siller concludes… “Almost done, so Noah took two of everything including microbes, but forgot the dinosaurs…”

Source: Pagan Literal

The husband’s on a week long business trip and gets a call from his wife:

W: “Hello, sweetheart!”
H: “Ah yes, darling, I’m busy. Is there a problem?”
W: “Um, I  just called to tell you that the parrot died”
H: “My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?”
W: “That’s the one.”
H: “Damn ! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh
well…How did he die? “
W: “From eating rotten meat.”
H: “Rotten meat? Where did he get rotten meat?”
W: “He ate the meat of one of the dead horses.”
H: “Dead horses? What dead horses?”
W: “Why, those pure breed ones that you had. They died from all that work pulling the water cart.”
H: “Are you insane? What water cart?”
W: “The one we used to put out the fire.”
H: “Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, woman?”
W: “The one at our house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire.”
H: “What the…!!! But there’s electricity at the house! What was the
candle for ???”
W: “For the funeral.”
H: “WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL ?!!”
W: “Your mother’s! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her!

When I was a kid getting on my two feet and learning the English alphabet, we learnt it using our ever familiar objects…

The process hasn’t changed today itself. Just the objects…

And, at least A still stands for Apple!

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

[5] A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

[8] You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come

I put in an average of 70+ hours a week. I love being an investment banker and this video tells you why exactly!

If you’re sitting in London right now, as I am, you’ll identify with Hitler in this video.

If you don’t know why there are 12 Days of Christmas, then you should first read this article. But, this has been one of my favourite Christmas carols forever.

So, in no particular order:

The Indian way

For a few farts more

If you smell…what the Rock is singing

If Shrek was a Christmas carol..

From the penguins of Madagascar

Straight No Chaser

Bob & Doug’s 12 Days of Christmas

Narrated – Here’s what happens when you mix these many gifts together

For the Linux lovers out there

What did your geek club give you this here?

Don’t drink and sing…

When the recession hit…

Finally, two proper versions if you have never heard this song before…

Courtesy Alvin and the Chipmunks

The voice of Bill Ives