Text:

“So all the evidence massively supports a theory of evolution that knits together everything we know about biology.

However, as high school science students in the State of Louisiana, you are entitled to learn an alternative theory supported by no scientific evidence whatsoever!

It goes like this. 5,700 years ago, a male deity created the heavens and earth and all life on it in six days…

Unfortunately, he didn’t like his own handwork, so god created genocide and drowned everyoen on earth except the family of Noah, a 600-year-old man who was charged with saving animals…”

A student interrupts Mr. Stiller, asking him to stop. Siller concludes… “Almost done, so Noah took two of everything including microbes, but forgot the dinosaurs…”

Source: Pagan Literal

The husband’s on a week long business trip and gets a call from his wife:

W: “Hello, sweetheart!”
H: “Ah yes, darling, I’m busy. Is there a problem?”
W: “Um, I  just called to tell you that the parrot died”
H: “My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?”
W: “That’s the one.”
H: “Damn ! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh
well…How did he die? “
W: “From eating rotten meat.”
H: “Rotten meat? Where did he get rotten meat?”
W: “He ate the meat of one of the dead horses.”
H: “Dead horses? What dead horses?”
W: “Why, those pure breed ones that you had. They died from all that work pulling the water cart.”
H: “Are you insane? What water cart?”
W: “The one we used to put out the fire.”
H: “Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, woman?”
W: “The one at our house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire.”
H: “What the…!!! But there’s electricity at the house! What was the
candle for ???”
W: “For the funeral.”
H: “WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL ?!!”
W: “Your mother’s! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her!

When I was a kid getting on my two feet and learning the English alphabet, we learnt it using our ever familiar objects…

The process hasn’t changed today itself. Just the objects…

And, at least A still stands for Apple!

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

[5] A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

[8] You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come

I put in an average of 70+ hours a week. I love being an investment banker and this video tells you why exactly!

If you’re sitting in London right now, as I am, you’ll identify with Hitler in this video.

If you don’t know why there are 12 Days of Christmas, then you should first read this article. But, this has been one of my favourite Christmas carols forever.

So, in no particular order:

The Indian way

For a few farts more

If you smell…what the Rock is singing

If Shrek was a Christmas carol..

From the penguins of Madagascar

Straight No Chaser

Bob & Doug’s 12 Days of Christmas

Narrated – Here’s what happens when you mix these many gifts together

For the Linux lovers out there

What did your geek club give you this here?

Don’t drink and sing…

When the recession hit…

Finally, two proper versions if you have never heard this song before…

Courtesy Alvin and the Chipmunks

The voice of Bill Ives

If you thought your math was good, you’d better think again…

INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

SATYAMism
You have a cow. You have its milk. But don’t know what to do with it!

DELLism
Intel has a Goat.. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow’s milk.

IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn’t give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism
You have a cow. You don’t know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism
You don’t have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONYism
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world’s thinnest milk.

CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2… stay on line if you’d like our customer care to milk it for you.

HPism
You don’t know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorized resellers only.

GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that’s his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism
You don’t yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.