Effective Signboards

Alien cross the road

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”

“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.

Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign. it might be something that We could use to slow down drivers…” So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood

NUDIST COLONY: Go slow and watch out for the chicks!

You know you are living in 2012 when…

You know its 2012 when...

You know its 2012 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses (or Facebook account).

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries…

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to share this post with (see the cool icons below)

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

Go ahead and tell your friends. Share this post to others and let them join in your laughter :)

26 things you probably didn’t know you didn’t know!

26 things you probably didn't know you didn't know!

26 things you probably didn't know you didn't know!

  1. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
  2. Coca-Cola was originally green.
  3. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  4. The State with the Highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
  5. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
  6. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
  7. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
  8. The average number Of people airborne over the U. S. In any given hour: 61,000
  9. Intelligent people Have more zinc and copper in their hair..
  10. The first novel ever Written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
  11. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
  12. Each king in a deck Of playing cards represents a great king from history:
    Spades – King David
    Hearts – Charlemagne
    Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    Diamonds – Julius Caesar
  13. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
  14. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse Has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, The person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
  15. Only two people Signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
  16. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
    A. Their birthplace
  17. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
    A. Obsession
  18. Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, How far would you have to go until you Would find the letter ‘A’?
    A. One thousand
  19. Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, Windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
    A. All were invented By women.
  20. Q. What is the only Food that doesn’t spoil?
    A. Honey
  21. Q. Which day are there more collect calls Than any other day of the year?
    A. Father’s Day
  22. In Shakespeare’s time, Mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, Making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the Phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’
  23. It was the accepted Practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply His son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, Which we know today as the honeymoon.
  24. In English pubs, ale Is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England , when Customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’ . . . It’s where we get The phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’
  25. Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked Into the rim, or handle, of their ceramiccups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice.
  26. At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

 

The banking crisis explained…

banking-crisis

banking-crisis

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s died.’

Paddy replied, ‘Well then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already spent it.’

Paddy said, ‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle a dead donkey!’

Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘ What happened with that dead donkey?’

Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898′
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.’

[Image source: Les Anglonautes]

20 points about Mumbai

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (Victoria Terminus)

Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.

Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.

There is no darkness in Andheri.

Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.

No king ever stayed at Kings Circle ..

Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus..

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (Victoria Terminus)
Photo by Joe Ravi under CC-BY-SA 3.0 license

Nor is there any princess at Princess Street ..

Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel

There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.

The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.

There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.

Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.

Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar* Tram Terminus (Dadar T..T..).

Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.

Breach Candy

Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.

You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.

There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.

There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.

Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.

Null bazaar does not sell taps.

You will not find ladyfingers at Bhendi Bazaar.

Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.

Hanging Gardens are not suspended.

Hanging Gardens

Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.

Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.

Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,

Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.

But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!

Chor Bazaar