Catholic Code Words

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original “Jaws” story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusio n of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas:

There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings – some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.

24 Church Bulletin Board Bloopers!

Announcements in church are a part and parcel of the church experience. Not to mention people clamouring outside the church bulletin board to read the too long ones. But, when you have bloopers like these…

  1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  2. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
  3. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands..
  4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  5. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
  6. Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  7. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice
  12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  13. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
  17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.. S. Is done.
  20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’.

Back to Bangalore

Having spent rather exhausting three days in Mumbai, I met up with Sneha, Akshat and Neha for pizzas at the Pizza Hut in Powai.

Was surprised to see a whole new menu on offer. There have been several good additions to the menu, but there have been equally bad ones. Going to check if the menu has been updated in Bangalore as well.

I headed off home soon after dinner. Friday and Saturday both turned out to be extremely rainy days. However, the newspapers claim that it rained everywhere except the lakes!

Began packing for returning to Bangalore this morning. It doesn’t take much time when you have minimal dumping to do. Got a rickshaw to the airport. Asked for the row number 6 seat in the airplane, since it was the same row with ample leg space on my journey to Mumbai. Wasn’t disappointed and one of the cabin crew turned out to be the same one on my flight to Mumbai! Decided to grab some grub in the plane itself, since it is cheaper to eat there than at the airport.

The journey was rather peaceful, with minor turbulence. I caught one of the A/C buses from the airport that dropped me off at Koramangala 1st block, where I caught a rick home. Have finally settled in. It’s work day from tomorrow, which means reduced updates out here!

Three weeks back

One thing I love about where I work is that I don’t need to wait six months before I can take leave. This is usually a requirement of most companies. Out here, I’ve planned my leave well in advance, the first one begins today, for a week.

This blog post will take you three weeks back. I’ve had three weeks which have been so filled with work (yes, that is a usual statement I make) that my initial plan of updating the blog took a back seat.

Anyway, three weeks back, I met up with Maria, who, along with her sister, has been complaining that I’ve spent more than two months in Bangalore and hadn’t even seen them! The main reason has been my prolonged effort to settle into the city that I haven’t yet called home and the lack of a full weekend out here yet. I haven’t seen much of Bangalore yet and I don’t know when I will be able to. The few places that I have visited have been Church Street and Brigade Road area on two separate occasions.

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A Birthday Party and a Farewell Dinner

Friday at 12am we brought in Sneha‘s birthday by cutting her cake and dirtying her.

After a long day of lectures on Friday, in which we gave two presentations in Strategic Management, we headed out to the city. Sneha and Namrata had finalized on a joint called TC’s in FC Road. We had booked the place for eleven people.

Caught the 7.30pm bus from college which drops us at Atur Center from where we caught rickshaws to the place.

TC’s is decently sized place with a good ambience and service. However, I really wonder why they needed to have the lights fading into various colors!

The prices weren’t that high compared to the other places we have eaten at, but then again, neither were the portions. We were offered 11 tequila shots on the house, a pity only five were consumed.

Then we desperately hunted for rickshaws back to Atur Center and rushed to catch the last bus back to college.

Woke up (or more like was woken up) early Saturday morning as all these folks were off to Alibaug for the weekend. I’m not much of an outdoor person and had tonnes of work so decided to stay back.

Went with Maria and her sister Tina for mass on Saturday. Was asked to and did the Prayer of the Faithful. After mass, we decided to go to Mainland China, which is close to where we had to catch the bus back.

This is my first visit to a Mainland China. The food was decent, so was the service. However, they really need to understand the meaning of the word “spicy”.

The bus back to campus was jam packed, but we were fortunate enough to get seats.

Sunday was a quiet day. We gathered together to bid farewell to Maria, who is the first among all of us to begin her job.

Am really exhausted now and will be hitting the bed soon. Have to still get my hands on photos of the birthday. Will put them in my album.