• Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes,  Religion

    Who is Jesus?

    My good friend Sparx has maintained a steady stream of good emails. Here’s the latest one: There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn’t get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father’s business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother Was sure He was God’s gift. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with…

  • Forwards,  Jokes

    English at its worst!

    =========================================== “Wind is running..open the window and let the air force come in” =========================================== Teacher asked one of his student when he was cooking… Teacher: Son, what are you constructing? Student: Sir, i am building food =========================================== Principal to student?” I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette? ? ” =========================================== Class teacher once said : ” Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!” =========================================== A Hindi teacher once said?.”I’m going out of the world to America..” =========================================== “..DON’T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..” =========================================== “dont..laugh at the back benches?otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down?..” =========================================== It was very hot in…

  • Forwards,  Jokes

    Life and Death

    Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life… In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I said to her: Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I’d much rather die’. My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me… and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    25 Beautiful Short Phrases

    Cool One Liners If you’re too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Never try to drown your troubles… Especially if he can swim. Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking. Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station. By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    Signs of the Time

    Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale……. Cheap……. …. no strings attached. Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time! On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives they will look for you. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking… I Gave Up Reading . My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses… He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle. You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off. Sign In A Bar: ‘Those Of You…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    English is a Funny Language – Part III

    Did you like the post And you thought English was easy? Well, here is Part III in the series English is a Funny Language. Read Part I and Part II. Before further ado… here’s some more phrases a lexophile would love: A seamstress, and a sewer, fell down into a sewer line. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. He could lead, if he would get the lead out. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I did not object to the object. I had to subject the subject…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    Quotes in British Newspapers

    Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, ‘We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.’ (The Daily Telegraph) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    Announcements on the London Tube train

    A list of actual(?) announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers… 1. ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.’ 2. ‘Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.’ 3. ‘Do you want the good news first or…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Religion

    The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell

    In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Aden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had…

  • Forwards,  Jokes

    And you thought English was easy!

    Got this forward about the English language. We will begin with a box, and the plural is boxes.. But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes, One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese. Yet, the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse, or a nest full of mice. Yet, the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet, Then if I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If…

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