I saw the promos of Noah and decided it was a movie that was definitely worth watching. And I was wrong. If you’ve read the story of Noah from the Book of Genesis, you’ll agree with me. The movie borrows its story line from the actual story in the Bible and then throws in its own “masala” to end up telling a story that even more unbelievable and really painful. This could possibly be because the real story is short and they needed some fillers. But, throwing in some fallen angels was a joke! I like Russell Crowe as an actor, but this movie could have definitely received a bit more…
24 Church Bulletin Board Bloopers!
Announcements in church are a part and parcel of the church experience. Not to mention people clamouring outside the church bulletin board to read the too long ones. But, when you have bloopers like these… The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.…
The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Aden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had…
Long Hair
A young boy had just gotten his driver’s permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car.” Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you have been studying…
Code Words among Catholics
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of…
Sunday School Funnies
STORY OF ELIJAH The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. “Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?” A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I…
The Bible in the 21st Century
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning … cold. The Ten Commandments would actually be only five … double-spaced and written in a large font. A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food. Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to [email protected] Reason Cain killed Abel; they were roommates. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have…
Smiles from the Bible
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What…
Is work a curse?
Came home really frustrated from work today. Not frustrated with what I do but with how much I am supposed to do. I don’t think I can call it frustration. I guess it is just plain exhaustion. Anyway, I’m blabbering… As I reached home my eyes fell upon Words of Hope Daily Reflections booklet for April, May and June 2005. Simply flicked it open and read this for April 4 The reflection is the passage from Genesis 3:17-19. This really has lightened my spirits. I’m still tensed however as Genesis 3:19 says, By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since…