• Religion

    Do you have the time?

    I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due. So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, And jumped up off my knees. My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease….. All day long I had no time To spread a word of cheer No time to speak of Christ to friends, They’d laugh at me I’d fear. No time, no time, too much to do, That was my constant cry, No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Religion

    Catholic Code Words

    AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes,  Religion

    24 Church Bulletin Board Bloopers!

    Announcements in church are a part and parcel of the church experience. Not to mention people clamouring outside the church bulletin board to read the too long ones. But, when you have bloopers like these… The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.…

  • Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes,  Religion

    Who is Jesus?

    My good friend Sparx has maintained a steady stream of good emails. Here’s the latest one: There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn’t get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father’s business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother Was sure He was God’s gift. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Religion

    The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell

    In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Aden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had…

  • College,  Personal,  Religion

    Shopping and Church

    Fourth semester at SCMHRD is one of the most relaxed semesters. We have Neev just around the corner and so I am relatively free. Decided to go to church today. Maria was pleased since she has been after me to do so for a long long time! Am sure my Mom too was pleased. Today was the feast of Christ the King as well as it happens to be my brother’s birthday. The feast of Christ the King marks the end of the liturgical year. This is usually a big event in my church back in Mumbai. Next Sunday is the first Sunday of Advent. I can finally start playing…

  • College,  Personal,  Religion

    Freshers and a Birthday Party

    August is always a high-activity month with a huge number of birthdays and other occasions. Freshers’ Party After being postponed several times, the Fresher’s Party finally took place on August 6. Dance parties aren’t really my favorite and this is usually no exception, especially when the DJ should pay for playing the trash he dished out! Without doubt, I spent a good portion of my time outside the venue, which was the SIU poolside. Food however, was better this time, with chicken added to the menu. Needless to say I ensured I ate well. Below is a photo of me with my date and below that is a photo of…

  • Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes,  Religion

    Code Words among Catholics

    AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of…

  • Jokes,  Religion

    Painting Lesson

    A Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jack, was very interested in making extra money where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their biggest churches. Jack put in a painting bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks and buying the paint and thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jack was…

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