Watt Knott – A conversation in confusion

Came across this joke in my inbox that I had forwarded by self back in 2004. Couldn’t help posting it. Read on and enjoy!

Source: gratisography.com
Source: gratisography.com

Enjoy this terrific confusing conversation of William Knott and Mr Watt.

“Who’s calling?” was the answer to the telephone.

“Watt.”

“What is your name, please?”

“Watt’s my name.”

“That’s what I asked you. What’s your name?”

“That’s what I told you. Watt’s my name.”

A long pause, and then from Watt, “Is this James Brown?”

“No, this is Knott.”

“Please tell me your name.”

“Will Knott.”

YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED,READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED…

“Why not?”

“Huh? What do you mean why not?”

“Yeah! Why won’t you tell me your name?”

“But I told you my name!”

“Didn’t you say you will not?”

“Not not, knott, Will Knott!”

“That’s what I mean.”

“So you know my name.”

“Of course not!”

“Good. So now, what is yours?”

“Watt. Yours?”

“Your name!”

“Watt’s my name.”

“How the hell do I know? I am asking you!”

“Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet..”

“You have been patient, what about me?”

“I have told you my name so many times and it is u who have not told me yours yet.”

“Of course not!”

“See, you even know my name!”

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?”

“Because I don’t.”

[Pause]

“What is your name?”

“See, you know my name!”

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you keep saying Watt is your name”

“To find out your name!”

“But you already know it!”

“What?”

“See, and you know mine!”

“Of course not!”

“Exactly!”

NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON’T KNOW THE OTHER’S NAME.

“Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be your answer?”

“Watt’s my name.”

“No, no, give me only one word.”

“Watt”

“Your name!”

“Right!”

[Pause before it hits him]

“Oh, Wright!”

“Yeah!”

“So why didn’t you say it before?”

“I told you so many times!”

“You never said Wright before”

“Of course I did.”

“Ok I won’t argue any more. Do you know my name?”

“I do not.”

“Well, there you go, now we know each other’s name.”

“I do not!”

“Good!”

[Pause before it hits him]

“Oh, Guud!”

“Good.”

“No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?”

“No, it’s Knott!”

“Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud.”

“Yes Wright.”

Effective Signboards

Alien cross the road
Alien cross the road
Source: Just outside of the box

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”

“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.

Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign. it might be something that We could use to slow down drivers…” So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood

NUDIST COLONY: Go slow and watch out for the chicks!

Simple Summer Workouts

A few weeks back we purchased an elliptical cross trainer from Decathlon. The idea definitely isn’t to get into perfect shape, but to definitely get into some shape that isn’t round!

If you don’t have an exercise machine, there are other simple options to exercise at home an in your area. Came across this infographic that highlights a few workouts that you can do to get yourself into some sort of shape. All the best!


Via: Spectrum Clubs

The Letter from Sainsbury’s

Sainsbury's supermarket, Greenwich

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Sainsbury's supermarket, Greenwich

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s…

Dear Mrs. D’Souza,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. D’Souza, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

Image source: Stacey Harris [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

The banking crisis explained…

banking-crisis

banking-crisis

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s died.’

Paddy replied, ‘Well then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already spent it.’

Paddy said, ‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle a dead donkey!’

Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘ What happened with that dead donkey?’

Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.’

[Image source: Les Anglonautes]

20 points about Mumbai

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (Victoria Terminus)

Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.

Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.

There is no darkness in Andheri.

Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.

No king ever stayed at Kings Circle ..

Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus..

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (Victoria Terminus)
Photo by Joe Ravi under CC-BY-SA 3.0 license

Nor is there any princess at Princess Street ..

Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel

There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.

The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.

There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.

Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.

Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar* Tram Terminus (Dadar T..T..).

Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.

Breach Candy

Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.

You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.

There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.

There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.

Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.

Null bazaar does not sell taps.

You will not find ladyfingers at Bhendi Bazaar.

Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.

Hanging Gardens are not suspended.

Hanging Gardens

Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.

Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.

Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,

Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.

But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!

Chor Bazaar