• Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes

    Watt Knott – A conversation in confusion

    Came across this joke in my inbox that I had forwarded by self back in 2004. Couldn’t help posting it. Read on and enjoy! Enjoy this terrific confusing conversation of William Knott and Mr Watt. “Who’s calling?” was the answer to the telephone. “Watt.” “What is your name, please?” “Watt’s my name.” “That’s what I asked you. What’s your name?” “That’s what I told you. Watt’s my name.” A long pause, and then from Watt, “Is this James Brown?” “No, this is Knott.” “Please tell me your name.” “Will Knott.” YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED,READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED… “Why not?” “Huh? What…

  • Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes

    If they had a cow…

    INFOSYSism You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking. WIPROism GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk. SATYAMism You have a cow. You have its milk. But don’t know what to do with it! DELLism Intel has a Goat.. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow’s milk. IBMism You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen. MICROSOFTism You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes,  Religion

    24 Church Bulletin Board Bloopers!

    Announcements in church are a part and parcel of the church experience. Not to mention people clamouring outside the church bulletin board to read the too long ones. But, when you have bloopers like these… The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.…

  • Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes

    Cool “Out of Office” replies

    I haven’t tried any of these when I went on leave. Chances are I won’t be. 1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position . 2: I?m not really out of the office. I?m just ignoring you. 3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn?t have received anything at all. 4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management 5: I will be unable to delete all the…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    25 Beautiful Short Phrases

    Cool One Liners If you’re too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Never try to drown your troubles… Especially if he can swim. Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking. Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station. By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    Quotes in British Newspapers

    Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, ‘We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.’ (The Daily Telegraph) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Quotes

    Announcements on the London Tube train

    A list of actual(?) announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers… 1. ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.’ 2. ‘Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.’ 3. ‘Do you want the good news first or…

  • Forwards,  Jokes,  Religion

    The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell

    In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Aden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had…

  • Forwards,  Jokes

    And you thought English was easy!

    Got this forward about the English language. We will begin with a box, and the plural is boxes.. But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes, One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese. Yet, the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse, or a nest full of mice. Yet, the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet, Then if I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If…

  • Forwards,  Fun Stuff,  Jokes,  Quotes

    She was so blonde…

    No offence to anyone, but this is so funny! She was Soooooooo Blonde * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.” She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde… * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.” She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde… *…

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