Announcements in church are a part and parcel of the church experience. Not to mention people clamouring outside the church bulletin board to read the too long ones. But, when you have bloopers like these… The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.…
Who is Jesus?
My good friend Sparx has maintained a steady stream of good emails. Here’s the latest one: There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn’t get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father’s business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother Was sure He was God’s gift. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with…
Long Hair
A young boy had just gotten his driver’s permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car.” Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you have been studying…
Code Words among Catholics
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original “Jaws” story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of…
Happy Easter!
Happy Easters to all the readers of my blog. Thanks for your continued patronage and comments. And if you ever wondered how old Jesus was when he died, then this little B.C. Cartoon from My Yahoo! should answer that for you 🙂
Holy Golf
Moses, Jesus and an old man were out golfing one day. Moses drives his ball and it bounced off a tree into a water hazard. So he parted the water and knocked the ball onto the green. Jesus drives his ball and it bounced off two trees into the water. So he walked on the water and scooped his ball onto the green. The old man drives his ball, it bounced off a tree into the water, the ball was eaten by a fish, the fish swam to the surface and was picked up by a bird, the bird flew upward and was struck by lightning, it crashed onto the…
He gave his heart to His valentine
My Valentine He gave his heart to His valentine “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds”. (Psalm 147:3) Levlyn was a very proud youth. He loved his heart and cherished over its goodness. Once Jesus appeared to Levlyn and asked him, “Levlyn will you give your heart to me?” Levlyn very coolly replied, “I don’t want to give my heart to anyone”. His friends visited him and asked, “Levlyn will you give a place to us in your heart. He said, “Sorry, I can not give any place to anyone in my heart”. Then his teacher came. He asked Levlyn, “Will you give your heart to the music…
