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Some Murphy’s Laws

Don’t we really hate this guy? Yet another email I received that is worth sharing.

  • Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • The more junk you put up with, the more junk you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want, if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in and say nothing about the other.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  • Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
  • To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
  • Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  • There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  • You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
  • The longer the title, the less important the job.
  • Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

Murphy’s First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller’s Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

Weiner’s Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner’s Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed.
When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

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